God has layed upon my heart to share what I am learning while dealing with infertility and the road to becomming a mommy. More than anything, He has taught me that I am blessed. A favorite song says: I am blessed, I am blessed From when I rise up in the morning Til I lay my head to rest I feel You near me You sooth me when I'm weary Oh Lord, for all the worst and all the best I am blessed. My hope is that you realize that you are blessed.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Perfect Life

There is a blog that I enjoy reading. It is written by a good friend of my sister. She has such a great sense of humor and I just love reading her blog. I found this quote on it the other day and it really got to me.

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity". Gilda Radner, 1946-1989

I love this. Recently during a fight (yes, Chad and I argue), I burst into tears and said, "This was not what I expected my life to be!" Uh, Oh! That's a bad thing to say to your husband. Before I go any further, Chad and I are fine. We occasionally allow ourselves to be immature, selfish, hardheaded, and take any stress we have out on each other. Thankfully, we love each other and we do not allow these moments to damage our marriage. As I was saying, do not tell your husband that this was not the life that you expected. He will not take it well. I explained that this was not a bad thing and we eventually worked through it.

Let me tell you what I meant. You see, I am a dreamer. Head in the clouds, someday my prince will come, happily ever after dreamer. I love fairy tales, romance books, and chick flicks. Even though I knew that the perfect life did not exist, I was going to have something close enough to it; the perfect romantic husband, a dream house, financially well off, the ability to stay home and create and do great things, and of course the house full of kids (hopefully 5)

Okay, let's take a real look at my life. Just so you know, this is not me whining or feeling sorry for myself. I am just taking stock.

My husband- not perfect and occasionally most often not romantic. He used to be wonderfully romantic but sometime after "I do" - he wasn't. He still can be on occasions but they are far more removed from each other. Chad is defiantly not perfect. I won't tell you his faults. I instead will tell you that he is very intelligent and has a great sense of humor. We have so much fun together. He is my Knight in not so shiny armour. I do love him.
My house- not my dream house but I do love it.
Financially- fine but not well off. Clearances and coupons are a must. LOL!
Stay at home- love to but I cannot at the moment. I do really enjoy my job. Well -most days.
Creating and doing great things- no time or energy to do everything that I would like. I enjoy what I do have the time for; Church, family, friends, committees, and activities.
House full of kids- OK that's where the hang up is. I truly expected a house full of kids by now. When I was little, I told my mother that I wanted 10 kids- 5 kids and 5 babies. I did not understand that babies did not stay babies and that they were a lot of work. Now, I would settle for just one.

You see this is where the quote comes in. I find at times that I want to cry out and say that "this is not the life that I expected!" Sometimes, I feel as if I am still waiting for my life to start. Those were my plans, but what about God's? For the most part, I think that I take each moment and make the best out of it without knowing what is going to happen next. You see, I know that God is in control of my life and He has plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11) Do you?

No comments: